Okay, so it's been awhile.
I've been busy. And procrastinating. But like, also busy.
To get reacquainted, let's start off with some notes from 2011 so far:
- I went on a trip to Malaysia and Brunei. You haven't heard of Brunei. Check it out. The most random countries have always been the ones that really fry my wonton, and Brunei certainly fits the bill. Some images of this trip are below.
- One day I dropped a 12-pound barbell directly on my bare foot while on a business phone call, which left me with a limp for a week. Which left me explaining to people why I was limping. Which left us all enduring the elephant in the room that it was now clear that I had 12-pound barbells in my apartment. More on that below as well.
- Winston is doing well. Thanks for asking. His most recent fetish is trying to eat the rug. I'm also concerned that he may be constipated in general. It's unclear.
- I fell in love since we last spoke. I know, it's awesome. I'd like you to meet her. Here she is. Now before you start making your judgments—"She's an old man," "She's dead," etc.—watch all 11 videos and you'll understand.
- The Oscars are really irritating. The two idiots at the beginning who comment on everyone's dress are painful enough, but then you get to some of the acceptance speeches...like that heinous narcissist who won Best Supporting Actress...and it's basically an unwatchable program.
- This is sexually arousing.
But above all, I want to discuss some things I've learned so far in 2011. Here are 7:
1) A chicken can ruin your life.
2) When you're in Brunei, keep your comments about the Sultan positive.
3) Just because you have a strokable beard, it does not mean you look cool.
4) Foot reflexology is not the same thing as a foot massage.
5) My grandfather still cannot hear anything.
6) Dropping a 12-pound barbell directly on your bare foot during a business phone call is a negative life experience.
7) I should never drink a full cup of Starbucks coffee.